Comments for Quarkonium's Weblog

Comment on communion by MxisLuv

MxisLuv — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 04:33:26 +0000

Love the opening :).

Makes me visualize worms crawling into his mouth, asphyxiating desperate gasps with burning secretion.

Too much Fear Factor heh.

Comment on Independence Day by quarkonium

quarkonium — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:23:57 +0000

Thanks Mark. You refer to the “Life is grand.” line? Did anyone get the analogy between the fireworks (futile lemmings) and the boss’ goals/values? Maybe it is too weak…

Comment on For Laika by mark abinante

mark abinante — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:16:11 +0000

Beautiful! Brings a smile to me face. So wholesome.

I’m looking for a different verb than jitter that captures better what you are trying to say.

Perhaps adding a “if I could” somewhere in the sentence about jumping into the dream, if it doesn’t break the cadence or detroy the compactness?

Comment on Independence Day by mark abinante

mark abinante — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:11:09 +0000

Dripping with delicious irony. Delicious 2nd-to-last line!!! But please! Loose the last line! After the previous line, there is nothing more to be said. That line is like an unexpected slap in the face, and what usually follows an unexpected slap in the face is a stunned, awkward silence. Which is what should folllow that line…

So much mood pact into the opening line descriptions of the fireworks. Great job.

Fascinating to me the whole gender -switching exercise, because while all the “correct” elements are in place that are needed to describe the female’s experience (dropping the dress size, etc), it is impossible to shake a very masculine feel to the mood and descriptions, esp the fireworks etc.